miss_invisible: (hh: sad alot)
So, obviously that whole updating while I was in Europe thing didn't happen, life was fairly busy. That said, the course went well and I am now certified, and as a bonus my classmates were all awesome. I hope you have all been well while I've been gone.

I'm now on the mildly frantic hunt for a job, which so far is not going great and has been stressing me out far more than the class did. There's been a fair amount of unprompted crying fits and afternoons of total depressive shutdown– it's kiiiiind of a problem. I've managed to get three apps in, but so far no luck. European employers are particularly obnoxious, because they all want EU residents rather than mess with visa paperwork– this is not very helpful when the goal is to move to the EU permanently.

Tdoc Dee thinks I am handling all the pressure and life upheaval very well. I think that is sweet of her, but only true when you compare me to me, not when you compare me to people who can function like normal humans. (I may be a bit frustrated. Just a bit.)


May. 28th, 2011 03:33 am
miss_invisible: (garfield: hating the world)
I've been full of writing fail lately because I've been caught in something of a slump, and hence haven't had much to talk about or the energy to talk about it. I'm doing okay, it's not one of the really bad lows, but I've been feeling very blah and unmotivated and drained in recent weeks. Somewhere in there I also got into a big fight with The Ex, but that's resolved now. (He and I have a tricky relationship because we were and remain friends, and it can be a thin line).

I really need to get a job, but I don't even feel like I have the energy reserves to deal with applying, never mind the actual working part. It's stressing me out, but I don't know what I want to do about it. Blegh.
miss_invisible: (gws: Erin sadface)
I've been living with my anxiety/depression cocktail for a long time. If I had to estimate, I'd say, to be conservative, it's been at least eight years. The beginning, as I've said before, is hard to pinpoint. I knew something was wrong, of course– how could I not have? Yet I resisted seeking medical help for years. In my freshman year of college I had some sessions with one of the campus health center's counselors, a masters student. She was kind, and I liked her, but she wasn't a professional. We talked a lot about "managing stress." That same year, I talked to my GP about my attendant physical symptoms– she ran my blood and proclaimed me perfectly healthy.

I was relieved. I knew what was wrong with me, I'm sure we all did, but no one said those words aloud. Read more... )


Nov. 19th, 2010 10:28 pm
miss_invisible: (gws: coffee sulk)
I often find myself wondering when, exactly, everything started. Have I always been dealing with mental illness? Have I always been, to greater or lesser degrees, disabled? At times the wondering borders on obsession, the inability of my anxious mind to let things go making me turn the thought over and over in my mind. Maybe part of me thinks that if I knew when it started, if I could find some moment and say, “This is when it began,” then maybe I could master it. I could understand it, I could control it, I could fix it. Ridiculous, obviously, but a lot what goes on in my head has fairly little to do with logic.

Read more... )


miss_invisible: (Default)


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